wat bout pragnant strippers??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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