My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
