I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
