so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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