wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
