Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
