I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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