the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
