1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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