im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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