who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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