Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
