i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
