oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am one with the molecules
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
