Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
