Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
