you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
