it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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