seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
