am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
