need another drink. this is the easiest way
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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