His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
