Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
