I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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