pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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