yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
