I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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