I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
