I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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