I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
