WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
