it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
