U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
