need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
