I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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