So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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