It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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