Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
