I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
