Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
