$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
