i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
