I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
