Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Two words: nipple clamps
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