Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
