this beer tastes like vomit already
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
