I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
