Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
