doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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