you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
